Is it an urban myth/metaphor or a reality? That if you stick
a frog in a pot of water and heat the water gradually the frog’s capacity to
adapt will be its downfall. Not realizing it’s in danger, it will be boiled to
death. Leaving aside the gruesome possibility of this ever having been a real
life experiment, it’s not a bad metaphor for adult behaviour. We get stuck in a
comfort zone that starts out looking and feeling just fine, and keeps us
materially provided for. It requires a whole lot of compromises but they
seem small at first and perfectly manageable.
Some part of us is in protest but we don't hear it. Or if we
do, there’s always the future. I’ll just
do this for a while then I’ll change and do something really worthwhile.
The days, weeks, months and years pass. At some level the
compromises become increasingly painful and unbearable but instead of listening
to the pain and taking it seriously, we say things like It’s not so bad. I shouldn’t complain. I can’t complain. I should be
grateful. Don’t worry be happy. Be positive. We feel quite heroic when we
do that. Responsible. Accountable. Unselfish. Healthy members of society.
Healthy? I'm not so sure. Afraid, maybe. Still so controlled
by an atavistic fear of having no food and shelter that we can't embrace that
our survival requires more than that now. It requires nurturing the heart and
soul.
Growing up Catholic, I rebelled strongly against the idea of
original sin. Nobody could explain in any way that sounded remotely intelligent
to me. I've come to see that probably our capacity to not listen to the most
important part of us is what it's about if you strip it of the moralism. Sin is an archery term, meaning to miss
the mark. Original sin is our capacity
to miss the mark – which is pretty much what languishing in a comfort zone that
doesn’t feed your heart and soul and mind in a balanced way is. Alongside
judging those who are least trying to not die the slow crucifying death.
I can’t imagine that boiling frogs was ever a real experiment. Even if some psychopath did decide it
would further the understanding of human nature, they would have had to
slow-boil hundreds of thousands of frogs to be able to reach any kind of
significant conclusion, since one frog doesn’t equal every frog. Just as in a
tank of fish the majority will swim round and round in the same direction but a
few will swim in the opposite direction, it’s probable that most frogs would
boil to death but some would leap out as soon as the water started getting
warm.
I doubt there’s a human being who wouldn’t look at those few
and believe they were at the forefront of frog-evolution. But when people behave in the same ways as those clever, evolved frogs would if the experiment really happened, our reactions aren’t so simple.
Some humans are a whole lot more finely tuned than others. They feel what’s
happening within themselves, they see what’s happening in others. They register
emotions and discomfort far more quickly than many others do. A whole world is visible to them that others are oblivious to. The kind of
compromise that others will feel comfortable with for a while - and regret most horribly later on - is like torture
to them immediately. They instinctively understand the danger. They make different choices in life which we often see as risky. But
that’s only if we don’t see what they’re protecting. If we don’t see that
they’re like those frogs that jump when the water is just getting warm. We
don’t even consider whether in fact they’re taking less of a risk than we
are.
If they find a way to be materially safe in the world and
even materially wealthy, we make heroes out of them. We look up to them as
leading the way, following their heart, inspiring us. We write books and make
movies about them; we make them our role models and aspire to be just like
them. Or we tell ourselves we’d like to. We hold on at least to the fact that
it is a humanly possible thing to follow your heart and succeed. We hold
onto that light in our darkest hour.
What if they don’t do so well? Do we still recognize that at
least they’re following their heart, or trying to? Do we look to them for
inspiration?
It’s a rhetorical question. We’re more likely to criticize
them for being irresponsible, selfish, freeloaders. We turn our backs on them; judge
them for not being more like us, for not being willing to make the sacrifices
we make. We do it especially if we’re slowly boiling away in boiling
frogland. Even more especially if we don’t have the courage and honesty to
acknowledge it.
Or else if we help them we do it believing ourselves to be
the heroes. We seldom let them forget how magnanimous we are and how much they're
in our debt. Whatever we do with it, we hold onto the idea that we’re the good
guys and they’re the bad guys. We're at the forefront of evolution and they're trailing behind us. Even though our choices are eroding our lives
faster than the speed of light. Yet imagine if we recognized that in many ways
they’re ahead of us. Imagine if we embraced them, not from the perspective of
how much we can do for them, but of how much we can learn from them about how
not to slow-boil yourself to death. Imagine that.
